the kind of guy, I love the most and cried the most.

[Edited]

Some times, I don't know how to put everything into words.
I think I had wrecked everything and blame myself for what I done.
No matter how hard I've been trying, I always bump into hurdles.
Why couldn't I have what I want and what I wish for?
Perhaps, I ask for it and I deserved it.
A simple happiness I'm hoping for, yet seems so far for me to get it.
It's been long that I can laugh happily.
Can understand how I'm feeling at times?
Somebody kill me please, it's always been painful all these while.
I need a shoulder to cry on.

Rachel, some times you seriously need a one tight slap to yourself and wake up.

Off to work.

Fred Perry 100 Year Bash Events
School was tiring today. Finally, I'm done with my presentation and I should say I was quite nervous while I presented. Well, scored 156/180 but not really a good marks I should say. Never mind, it's over which means one burden had gone. After school, J came over to my school and off we have our lunch at Taka. Then, I went rebonded my hair love my hair now than the before.


Meawhile, I can't wait for the holiday kick-start to come like on the 23 November to 2 December. That's like pathetic seriously cause the holiday seems rather short for me. Urgh! Worse, it's like December schooling man oh my goodness! Christmas is also round the corner too, probably will drown myself to work? Yeah, I gotta admit it's kind of no life but double pay on public holiday shall see how everything go.

Getting pretty more and more worn out for school and work recently. I'm feeling more lethargic to the extent I don't feel like doing anything and I fell asleep during effective writing. It's pretty annoying whereby I'm practically slapping myself to make me awake but my head just went lower and lower, that's it.

I gotta admit that for the last week wasn't went smoothly for me and I turn into my bed always at 2-4am. I wanted to pop by the clinic and ask doctor to prescribe me sleeping pills. I wanted to have a good rest so bad and yet I can't. Exhuasted, that's explain. Plenty of thoughts running through my mind and I hasn't have time to grasp while everything happened in one go. Fast.. Pretty fast until I almost collapse. It was pretty terrible at that moment where I was alone struggling through the hurdles again. It's like I died again and I survive for another round.
Some times, it's good to disappear for the time being.

And, it cut me like a knife,
when you walked out of my life.
Now, I'm in this condition.

Cause, it's hurting me to let go..

Bye, love.

I had no idea why were my entries are all emotional.
But, I simply can't help it. I don't know who I can really talk to.

For the past few days, it was a hell to me.
Everything is a rush. Problems just came in eventually to the extent things are getting worse and complicating.
It isn't happened deliberately at all.

Why am I given few days just to enjoy happy moment for awhile?
Why broken promises again?
I'm utterly disappointed and upset.

I've already been too nice and give in,
I just want to have a good rest tonight.
A really good rest that I wont cry to sleep.

Some times, it's funny and weird.
When falling in love, you fall deeply and sweet but when you are falling out of love,
you are beaten to the lowest of the low.

This feelings sucks a lot.

Bye.

It wasn't unintentionally happened.
Deep down, I'm screaming out loud: I'm sorry to you for million times.
I couldn't help myself, I'm trying to get more advices and I'm doing all these are to understand you more through your friends.
The one and only way.

I just feel helpless.
The both of us are feeling very down now.
I wouldn't want to feel paranoid and I just want assurance.
That's all.

I'm going crazy soon, blame me for the damage I done.
I'm sorry for a lot of things, a lot.

='(

Why happy moments only last for awhile and not forever?
Why am I always meets shit happens?
Why couldn't I have my own things and happily live ever after?
What had I done wrong?

WHY?
I don't know what should I do.

I couldn't stop caring,
I couldn't stop falling in love with you.

Miserable painful.

I'm not a toy and I got feelings.

(Tuesday, 27 Oct 09)- Aston after school with my classmates and headed over to SMU for project. Also, checked whether my fabrix sleeve case but it's still haven't arrive yet oh my goodness my bag very heavy when I put my mac in. Hopefully, my sleeve will arrive as soon as possible. Anyway, I've been working for four consecutive days since last Friday to Monday it was pretty worn out especially my legs hurts a lot to the extent I can't walk for long as halfway through I will feel the pain under my foot. Afraid I might have arthritis at this age! Oh man, I'm only twenty this year and feeling like as if a old granny now. *shakehead

Okay, no school for today, yo!
Meeting you late evening at town for our din dins later!
Cya soon!
♥

( Uncle's Wedding )

There's few questions that struck my mind for the whole day.
I don't know whether if I made the correct decision..
I don't know WHAT IF ONE DAY, the situation will happen to me.
Are you still going to stand there like a statue doing nothing?
Sigh

What am I supposed to do now?
Should I take a step further or remain at my own concrete ground?

Please don't do this to me again.

Finally, I bought MY AGNES B CARD HOLDER!
Muhahaha! Am-so-in-love-with-it-now.





Like the way we talked last night.
It's been long time since I got that feeling.
A warmest hug, that I'm able to stay close with you for a moment.
Subway for lunch with you tomorrow after school :)

"The worst thing you've ever done,
the darkest thought you've ever had, I will stand by you through anything" - Gossip girl, Blair Waldorf

Promise me, everything around us will gonna be okay.
Goodnight

Met my clique late evening at Bugis and celebrated N's 20th Birthday a mini surprise for her last night. Next, headed over for steamboat and we were being cheated because it was only left with the leftover! The staffs didn't even top up the foods and we paid eighteen bucks for prawn,chicken,cockles and vegetables. *shakehead
Okay, why am I being cheated by F-O-O-D again man!?
Alright, everyone had a enjoyable day busy updating each other and stuff. Got home at 0230hour.
I will upload the pictures once I receive from H.

And, now I need to prepare for my Uncle's Wedding! Dang, dang dang dang!
Going to Grandma's house for lunch and off we go to the hotel.
Pictures will be at next entry!




♥♥♥

Early in the morning and it was like raining cats and dogs while I was on my way to school.
When reached town, sunny weather! That makes my day turn even dull, bag was so heavy with my mac inside and my shoes was wet. Damn!

Working was lethargic today, during my dinner break, I was lazy and tired to walk over to Wisma to get my food. So, I went down to the ION foodcourt and get my mixed rice. AND, YOU KNOW WHAT? IT-COST-ME-$6.80-FOR -A-MIXED-RICE! %^*(^$#@!
Oh my goodness, I walked back to FP like completely heart-aching and blur. I ordered potato, bean sprouts and chicken, it was like those normal mixed rice $2.80!? OH MY GOSHHH!
It's my first ate a so expensive mixed rice and I ate it slowly! Appreciate every single taste while every spoon of rice had feed into my mouth and what the hell kill me please.

I don't know am I dumb or what.
Next time, I swear I will eat fast food in town NO MORE MIXED RICE!
I guess you guys must be reading while laughing at the same time.

But, I still wanna emphasize and whine;
OH MY GOODNESS! $6.80 MIXED RICE LEH! $6.80 MAN!
I can eat Aston, Macdonals, KFC, Subway and Burger King seriously.

>=(

(13 Oct 09, Tuesday) - A changes for my tutorial on that day, So it changed to the Wiki Edge for one day. Okay, I prefer the campus over there and it's somewhere beside the Peace Centre. The study environment is much more better than my current campus at Cuppage Starhub Centre seriously. Next, headed over to Lasalle to find J after school. Finally, had tried the Fish&Chip and I should say thumbs up for it!

Anyway, school was sleepy and cold today. Getting more and more tired easily is it a sign of aging? Alright, never mind. Met Cousin, Robot at Taka after school and we both went over to F.E.P to find dress for Uncle's wedding dinner this Sunday. Luckily, managed to get a simple dress and a pair of shoes kind of pretty like it. Maybe, wear to work tomorrow! Haha a black plain dress anyway.

A penny of thoughts recently, another two more months will be 2010. Yes. It's still 2009 and also it's still early to mention, I know. When the year 2010 come, I practically left eight more months I will complete my diploma in financial management and I think I might really have to work in office. Okay, I can't imagine I'm in office wear. Been thinking, should I continue a degree at SIM after my diploma or continue in KAPLAN.

IF, I work after my diploma, am afraid that I might lose my interest in study as you know;
once start to earn more money and halfway deciding whether to continue school again, obviously income will be lesser again and don't have the intention to continue further study. Well, earning money is the first priority that comes into everyone's mind.
Did thought of study degree at SIM, but school fees wise gonna be a big headache for me.
What should I do? Sigh.
Guess, I should concentrate in my studies and slowly decide what I want.

Anyway, I've been finding for saga seeds.
Thanks for my friend help. One place is at - Nee Soon camp. But, I can't enter the camp anyhow. So, it's out
Lastly, another place is at Chinese Garden and some HDB flat block 3heads.
I guess one day, I will make a trip there alone and pick saga seeds.
Hopefully, I can find the place and e saga seeds.

Bye.

I can't describe how I'm feeling now.
I don't know today is what day to me.
Till then, Macdonal Big Breakfast and (500) days in the summer is ♥!

If you happen to read this post,
Had a great day with you and
Thanks a lot.

♥♥♥

[Edited]

Everything lasted for awhile.
be it a happy or sad one.
Cry it out it will be fine, it will be fine.
Sunshine after rain soon, I know this day will arrive.
It will.
Definitely will.

Goodnight.

What's going on now?

Why people only learn how to cherish their love one, when he/she had lost them?
Taking each other for granted and not realizing how important he/she was in the first place.
And, living in agony days and time passing very slowly can really kills.
Wounds healed but it left with a deep scar that remains forever.
We can't get what we wanted, all we do is to sit and wait for the lucky charm to fall onto us.
People says, "you can forget the person you once love, but not memories. Because, memories stays forever no one could snatch from you"
Yeah, and that's when the flash black started to jump into the picture and playing in my mind at times.
Different places, different situations, emotional and laughter.
What I wish and want can only appear in my dreams.

Why am I mistreated in this way? Terribly screwed. Ouch.
The impact is triple painful than anything else.
Not realizing one droplet of tear ran down my face, can actually numb me until I fallen asleep in the evening.
Have I ever done something wrong in the past?
Or, there's really karma exist?
Some times, life is unfair.

I don't want just a concern from you only.
Why and how come we have becoming more and more complicated?
But, this is all you know what to say;
Bye.

OMG, I SUPER DUPER HAPPY NOW!
FRED PERRY CALLED!
WORKING AT ION TOMORROW!!!!
HAHAHAHAH! I CAN'T SLEEP TONIGHT!!!

Hope tomorrow will goes smoothly! =D

For the past few days, I've been behaving very clumsy.

- While I was finding the laces for my shorts in the kitchen, my back accidentally knocked against the window grind. I think there's a blue black behind my back though I can't see it but I can feel it's rather pain.
- after school, waved goodbye to my classmates and I hit on to the queuing pole.
- Working just now, I accidentally knocked against my head at the metal bar.

Okay, I think my soul is not with me at times.

Bye.

A tinge of sadness, when the flashback appears again.
It's a reminder that the moment I belonged to is dead,
and not just dead,
but forgotten.

(30 Sep, Wednesday) - Met G and LJ to town, ION as accompany G to get ipod touch. Next, headed over to Cityhall to meet the girl then off we go for our kunshi.bo to celebrate LJ's 21st birthday. Alright, it was my virgin time that I really had a Japanese buffet and my goodness the food over there were dope! Especially, the crabs and prawns.. drooling~

Haa! And, of course, I brought back pictures too. Love to hang around with them truck loads! It's like with them, I'm laughing throughout the whole day and I should say, I had a great time with them.

( Kunshi.bo, LJ's 21st birthday! )

(1 Oct, Thursday) - Went to Ann Siang Street after school with D and C for Fred Perry interview. Hopefully, we can get the job soon! Next, met my girlfriends at CCK as they came over to my house for steamboat. It have been a long time since we last had our steamboat and met each other.

I will let the picture do the talking later.
( Steamboat )

Anyway, school was fine the day before.
Working at Paragon, istudio this Sunday for one day and hopefully the staffs there are nice.

Till then,
Bye.


That tears that runs down while hugging the box tightly until I had fallen asleep,
had come to the end.
Feeling like I lost a friend.
少了点希望,
就少了点期待.
是时候把手放开,
学会过着自己静悄悄的生活.